The Opposite.

Because of my pity party below I must write a few things that I am inspired by, a few things I find comfort in, a few things I am grateful for & a few things that make me who I am inside.

Hot Showers~Sleeping In~Curling Up With A Great Book~Listening To Music~Singing To My Hearts Desire~Cleaning The Bathroom~Baking Yummy Treats~Watching The Sunset~Sitting Out Back On My Deck Enjoying The Night~Spending Time With The Husband~Fishing, A New Found Love~Crawling Back Into Bed After My Shower To Dry Off~Planting & Watering Flowers~Planting A Garden~Trying New Recipes~Time On The Beach~A Quiet Drive In The Mountains~Painting~Going Through Things~History~Watching My Children Try New Things~Spending Time With The Children~Texting~Reading Old Love Emails From My Husband~Playing The Piano~Babies~Hanging Out With Friends~Laughing~Rain~Snow~Flowers~Birds Chirping~Squirrels When They Aren't in my Tree~Turtles~Animals~Nature~Rock Formations~Talking With The Husband About Nothing!!!


These are some of the things I enjoy. Now I realize there is much more to life then the every day trivial things that we all put our energy into and our eyes on. While all these things are nice, these are also things that I couldn't enjoy if I wasn't who I am, wasn't the girl I grew up to be or the girl that has endured so much. I grew up in a rather abusive family, most people don't know that about me. The anger and sadness that was in my home was unbearable but that was my life. Being beaten, being tortured by siblings ( which now I love to death now, most of them haha,) being called fat my entire life by sisters who were smaller than me, being emotionally abused on a daily basis as well as physical until I was old enough to stand up for myself which was at the age of 16.

I was suicidal my teenage years and a lot stems from my family life, not feeling good about me inside and of course the way I looked. Suicide attempts 2 times in my life and if friends didn't help me I more than likely would not be writing this now, nor have the life that I do have.


I got married at a young age because I felt that it was the right thing as my parents threw me out of their house once they found out I was pregnant with my daughter Lindsey. I moved out of my parents house a few short weeks after Senior Graduation, I moved in with Lindsey's Father and eventually a few months later got married. Not knowing that my life would be hell on earth for so long.....much abuse, much physical, emotional, verbal abuse, hatred, lies, deception, feeling guilty for the life I was living because of the choices I made. I thought I was doing the right thing, I stayed married to a man who brought out so much anger inside of me, so much hatred towards myself but not being strong enough to leave till after there were 2 other children born & 15 years later.

The things I have experienced in my life are the things I have come to grips with that make me who I am and even though it may not be glamorous, may not be the "perfect LDS family or life," may not be everything I thought my life would be it's still MINE and I OWN THEM!


Not many people know anything about my life, how my life was.......hiding things, hiding the shame and embarrassment is what my life was about and acting out, as well as being vocal getting older is one way I have learned to cope with things.


But, the main thing that has gotten me through my trials in this life is the PURE KNOWLEDGE OF THE SAVIOR AND HIS LOVE FOR ME, even IF I FORGET IT!

So, some of the other things that are near and dear to my heart are:

The Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter Day Saints~ Being A Member Of The Church Prayer, Real Fervent Prayer~The Scriptures, & The Answers They Have Given Me~Great Leaders~ Great Members Of The Church~ Music, Oh The Love I have For Music & The Calmness It Gives Me~ Faith~Knowing I am Loved~Knowing That I Can Repent For My Errors~Knowing That My Sins Can Be Forgiven If Done Properly~Knowing That There Is A Life Beyond This Earthly Realm~Knowing That My Family Loves Me For Who I Am~Reading A Talk & Feeling The Spirit Touch Me~Crying When I Feel My Savior's Love For Me, Knowing That The Lord Does NOT Leave Me, But I leave him,~Having A Husband Sent From Above To Comfort Me, Love Me, Protect Me & My Tender Spirit~ Knowing I Am A Child Of God~The Ability For Me To Choose How I Live My Life~Knowing That God Knows My True Heart & Desires!

Oh the Love I know that my Heavenly Father has for me, if ONLY I would grasp it and hold on dear to it.
I struggle from time to time with this, is it my faith? Is it not strong enough?


I have been through some serious hard times in my life, things that I would not wish on anyone, but they have made me stronger for who I am and I know that without the Lord's help and relying on what I KNOW, I would of not been able to get through some of the tough things thrown and me and my children.

So, the thousand dollar question is why do I let these things go? Why am I good and work so hard to do what I know is RIGHT to let it all go away within such a short period of time? I need to do some real soul searching & find my inner strength yet once again. I am going to be o.k. if I do this and everything that I feel about myself will go away as well as the pity I have from time to time.

I am a daughter of a loving Heavenly Father, I have been reserved to come to this earth at this time when the world is evil and needs righteous women. I have been blessed with 3 amazing children who unfortunately I have let down by not teaching them the gospel from an early age but these children are the children who will fight the fight when the time comes. I am a woman full of knowledge of the Savior, a woman who was blessed to endure so many heart wrenching experiences and TRY to do what's right, I am a woman who has a very good heart but anger storms in fury as well. I am not evil, I am not of the devil, I am of the Creator a Creator that sees me for me in all my sadness and glory.


It's o.k. to be who I am, just need to fine tune a few things in this life and teach these young spirits I am entrusted with that I love them, the Lord loves them and there is more to this world than just living for the moment.

As I write this a dumb thing came to my mind....when we die will my body be skinny the way it use to be.....hahaha  


It's just fine to be Jennifer Sheely. It's better than fine to be WHO I AM.....

That is a small inner look into what makes me, well,ME!