I just don't even know anymore....

I am struggling to figure things out.
The tears come so quickly now, that it's pointless to wipe them away.
I feel a deep sadness as I watch you suffer silently in pain.....


My sweet daughter tried to take her own life these past week. To my complete horror I found her sitting in her own vomit & urine having hallucinations from the drug overdose that she was hoping was going to claim her life.

As a Mother I had no idea that she would do this. I have heard her say to her friends that her life just sucks and she want's to die but I never thought she would take action. We had gotten her into therapy and on anti depressants for a few months when she felt that there was no way she could endure her life anymore and sought a way to end it.
I have never experienced such sadness in my life. Yes, I have had some serious trials myself but to watch my child suffer inside and all by herself made this almost unbearable for me as well. I know her and I have issues, issues that run deep but I also know the issues she is having in an unhealthy relationship has damaged her and complicated things more than I could imagine.


I don't even know where to begin my thoughts...


I don't know where to turn for comfort of my soul and the sadness that is running deep within.....
I feel like I don't know anything anymore as my life is now upside down.....
I feel angry at times then complete sadness at others.....


I sit and just cry, wondering how we are going to heal as a family ......
I know I have to do what I can so she can be healthy & happy once again.....
I feel utter despair when I should be happy knowing that SHE IS ALIVE & I still have her....

I just don't even know anymore.....

He'll Carry You, For My Daughter

For my daughter, Lindsey. The Lord will carry you Sweetheart through all your troubles and heartache. He loves you more than you will ever know. The Lord is a comfort to us when we don't know which way is up or down and no human words can help you heal.

My sweet daughter I am so sorry that you are in such great despair and experiencing such sadness in your life. There is nothing more sad than to watch your child suffer and feeling helpless as she makes her choices. I love you Lindsey and I pray for you to be able to heal through such a rough time and a time of sorrow and sadness.