Daughter Of Mine

We are daughters of our Heavenly Father, who loves us,
and we love him. We will "stand as witnesses of God at all
times and in all things, and in all places..." as we strive
to live the Young Women Values, which are:

Faith
Divine Nature
Individual Worth
Knowledge
Choice and Accountability
Good Works
Integrity and
Virtue

We believe as we come to accept and act upon these values,
we will be prepared to strengthen home and family, make and keep
sacred covenants, receive ordinances of the temple, and enjoy the blessings of exaltation.

I wish my daughter knew that there was a Heavenly Father that loves her and supports her more than she will ever know. I remember looking forward to Young Women and sharing the whole learning process with fellow girls.....from baking cookies for the elderly, playing water sports with the Young Men, doing crafts, service projects, working on Young Women projects etc.....
These are the things I grew up on the values, morals and knowledge of a  HIGHER POWER. I have always know these things just simply wish  the way the world is today that my own daughter would know this inside her heart. I wish this world wasn't so OUT THERE and EVERYTHING GOES!

I wasn't the perfect Young Woman, I made my share of mistakes, trials and errors.
However I can foresee my child going down a road that is only leading to sadness and despair in her life. I only want to make her life better and help show her the way, the problem is though she won't allow me to. I feel at my wits end with her at times and NO Mother should ever feel that way!
The other night she said a very harsh word to me calling me "freaking stupid" however let's replace that freaking with another word. I was so dumbfounded that she would even  DARE speak to me that way. I told her I wanted an apology or her to write 1000 times she will not cuss and call names, so coming home from work today there was an apology note stating this:

" I am sorry, okay, I am really sorry and honestly it just came out what I said. You have your apology in writing and I will not cuss or name call anymore."

That shows me just how sincere she really isn't. I hope she will learn one day sooner than later that her ways are going to take her down the wrong road and it will have some harsh consequences.

This girl is simply beautiful!!
Her eyes shine with the light an amazing blue-green
Her kindness to her friends is one in a million 
Her smile sparkles with pure happiness
Her laughter is inviting

I am in this through the thick and thin. I can't give in even when it is the easiest thing to do. I have to be strong for the sake of this little one, who is still that a "little girl" but is trying to find her own independence at the same time.


I love her
I gave birth to her
She is mine to help mold and show the way
She is a Daughter of our Heavenly Father 
I want the best for her ( even if she thinks I don't )
I want her to be proud of who she is & the things she does in this life
I want her to know that her Heavenly Father loves her!!
 
                                         

The Opposite.

Because of my pity party below I must write a few things that I am inspired by, a few things I find comfort in, a few things I am grateful for & a few things that make me who I am inside.

Hot Showers~Sleeping In~Curling Up With A Great Book~Listening To Music~Singing To My Hearts Desire~Cleaning The Bathroom~Baking Yummy Treats~Watching The Sunset~Sitting Out Back On My Deck Enjoying The Night~Spending Time With The Husband~Fishing, A New Found Love~Crawling Back Into Bed After My Shower To Dry Off~Planting & Watering Flowers~Planting A Garden~Trying New Recipes~Time On The Beach~A Quiet Drive In The Mountains~Painting~Going Through Things~History~Watching My Children Try New Things~Spending Time With The Children~Texting~Reading Old Love Emails From My Husband~Playing The Piano~Babies~Hanging Out With Friends~Laughing~Rain~Snow~Flowers~Birds Chirping~Squirrels When They Aren't in my Tree~Turtles~Animals~Nature~Rock Formations~Talking With The Husband About Nothing!!!


These are some of the things I enjoy. Now I realize there is much more to life then the every day trivial things that we all put our energy into and our eyes on. While all these things are nice, these are also things that I couldn't enjoy if I wasn't who I am, wasn't the girl I grew up to be or the girl that has endured so much. I grew up in a rather abusive family, most people don't know that about me. The anger and sadness that was in my home was unbearable but that was my life. Being beaten, being tortured by siblings ( which now I love to death now, most of them haha,) being called fat my entire life by sisters who were smaller than me, being emotionally abused on a daily basis as well as physical until I was old enough to stand up for myself which was at the age of 16.

I was suicidal my teenage years and a lot stems from my family life, not feeling good about me inside and of course the way I looked. Suicide attempts 2 times in my life and if friends didn't help me I more than likely would not be writing this now, nor have the life that I do have.


I got married at a young age because I felt that it was the right thing as my parents threw me out of their house once they found out I was pregnant with my daughter Lindsey. I moved out of my parents house a few short weeks after Senior Graduation, I moved in with Lindsey's Father and eventually a few months later got married. Not knowing that my life would be hell on earth for so long.....much abuse, much physical, emotional, verbal abuse, hatred, lies, deception, feeling guilty for the life I was living because of the choices I made. I thought I was doing the right thing, I stayed married to a man who brought out so much anger inside of me, so much hatred towards myself but not being strong enough to leave till after there were 2 other children born & 15 years later.

The things I have experienced in my life are the things I have come to grips with that make me who I am and even though it may not be glamorous, may not be the "perfect LDS family or life," may not be everything I thought my life would be it's still MINE and I OWN THEM!


Not many people know anything about my life, how my life was.......hiding things, hiding the shame and embarrassment is what my life was about and acting out, as well as being vocal getting older is one way I have learned to cope with things.


But, the main thing that has gotten me through my trials in this life is the PURE KNOWLEDGE OF THE SAVIOR AND HIS LOVE FOR ME, even IF I FORGET IT!

So, some of the other things that are near and dear to my heart are:

The Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter Day Saints~ Being A Member Of The Church Prayer, Real Fervent Prayer~The Scriptures, & The Answers They Have Given Me~Great Leaders~ Great Members Of The Church~ Music, Oh The Love I have For Music & The Calmness It Gives Me~ Faith~Knowing I am Loved~Knowing That I Can Repent For My Errors~Knowing That My Sins Can Be Forgiven If Done Properly~Knowing That There Is A Life Beyond This Earthly Realm~Knowing That My Family Loves Me For Who I Am~Reading A Talk & Feeling The Spirit Touch Me~Crying When I Feel My Savior's Love For Me, Knowing That The Lord Does NOT Leave Me, But I leave him,~Having A Husband Sent From Above To Comfort Me, Love Me, Protect Me & My Tender Spirit~ Knowing I Am A Child Of God~The Ability For Me To Choose How I Live My Life~Knowing That God Knows My True Heart & Desires!

Oh the Love I know that my Heavenly Father has for me, if ONLY I would grasp it and hold on dear to it.
I struggle from time to time with this, is it my faith? Is it not strong enough?


I have been through some serious hard times in my life, things that I would not wish on anyone, but they have made me stronger for who I am and I know that without the Lord's help and relying on what I KNOW, I would of not been able to get through some of the tough things thrown and me and my children.

So, the thousand dollar question is why do I let these things go? Why am I good and work so hard to do what I know is RIGHT to let it all go away within such a short period of time? I need to do some real soul searching & find my inner strength yet once again. I am going to be o.k. if I do this and everything that I feel about myself will go away as well as the pity I have from time to time.

I am a daughter of a loving Heavenly Father, I have been reserved to come to this earth at this time when the world is evil and needs righteous women. I have been blessed with 3 amazing children who unfortunately I have let down by not teaching them the gospel from an early age but these children are the children who will fight the fight when the time comes. I am a woman full of knowledge of the Savior, a woman who was blessed to endure so many heart wrenching experiences and TRY to do what's right, I am a woman who has a very good heart but anger storms in fury as well. I am not evil, I am not of the devil, I am of the Creator a Creator that sees me for me in all my sadness and glory.


It's o.k. to be who I am, just need to fine tune a few things in this life and teach these young spirits I am entrusted with that I love them, the Lord loves them and there is more to this world than just living for the moment.

As I write this a dumb thing came to my mind....when we die will my body be skinny the way it use to be.....hahaha  


It's just fine to be Jennifer Sheely. It's better than fine to be WHO I AM.....

That is a small inner look into what makes me, well,ME!

Pity party!

When will this weight issue ever end?

Always doubting myself...

Comparing myself to others....

Thinking I should look one way due to the pressures of society.....

Not being content with who I am inside, hence the outside has a lot to do with it....

Never feeling COMPLETE.......

Always saying "oh, there's always tomorrow," when that tomorrow comes and goes....

Thinking being overweight ( fat ) and being ugly go hand in hand.....why is that ?

Never feeling that I have accomplished anything, because I give up or let LIFE get in the way...

Wishing I was someone else....

Wishing I had different genes & jeans.....

Wishing & wanting to feel sexy....

Wishing & wanting to not see something following me from behind when I look in the mirror....

Wishing that the actual person who is loosing the weight, is me.....

Wishing, Wishing, Wishing, Wishing!


Oh how is this possible to have such negative feelings about oneself? Always on the verge of frustration for feeling so helpless....BUT

Am I really that helpless?

No I am not BUT I feel I am and that's what is wrong with this issue! I am helpless to Change !!!!!

I am not one to try pills, occasionally I have bought into the Acai Berry pills that are suppose to work, but seriously I hate taking pills so how in the world am I going to remember taking 2 before breakfast, 2 before lunch & 2 before dinner.....Are you freaking SERIOUS? 

Or how about the colon cleanse pills that are the new fad? Yeah, o.k. so that's suppose to make me pooh my fat out, that is so laughable it's funny. Yes, I do know some of those products do work & the ones that do are in the $100.00's of dollar range per month....And I do NOT have that kind of cash laying around to WASTE!!

I have my gym membership and I don't recall going to the gym in over a month, maybe a month and a 1/2.....shows how dedicated I am to that and am throwing an unused amount of  $20 bucks away....I must like throwing money out the door....haha

I always wonder how people can get so overweight, I know there are several reasons, but what are they? O.k. so we as women have the famous Baby Fat but that baby is now almost 16 years old, can't use that excuse anymore can I? Haha
We have a thyroid problem, now that one I can't say anything about since I am not enduring that one.
We have the issue where we eat to get the comfort from OTHER ISSUES in our lives and aren't dealing with them with the right therapy.....so FOOD & BAD EATING HABITS BECOME US! BUT WHY? WHY & WHY?

Why as a society and as a woman do we put so much energy into hating our body & the way it looks? I want to run, just take off and run....but I Hate running, but my mind wants to do it. Why am I having this conflict with my mind and body? It does me no good, they are so not on the same page.
When I joined the gym I bought all these new workout clothes, shoes, socks, sport bras, pants, tops.....etc thinking this would help motivate me to get into the gym.....but I was so wrong they have now become great lounging around pants....HA

I am so sick of this topic, you can find so much information online about loosing weight, how to loose weight, how to do this & that.....But really? None of this information is helpful because guess what it's ONLINE  so the couch potato can  JUST read and do NOTHING about it..........oh that's me I fall into that category.
Once again the Dr. Pepper is seeping through my veins.....the cookies are in my thighs....the chocolate is in my eyes....Yup I'm a BAD EATER!! I don't even eat 3 meals a day, lucky if I get 2 in. However, if I am trying to be good I will pack my food for work which is typically......

Homemade yogurt parfait with regular oats & berries ( Morning snack )
Tuna fish sandwich on thin whole wheat bread, string cheese and fruit ( lunch)
Cottage cheese with an apple ( Afternoon snack)

Then I come home and finish off the day with nothing good. Lots of grilling going on at our house this summer, most of it unhealthy.....then after loosing my meal plan for the day I give in and always say, oh I will start on Monday......Ha that Monday always comes and always goes.........

Oh what am I going to do with this overweight body of mine? What am I going to do to really get my physical appearance to the degree I AM HAPPY WITH? What am I going to do to stop feeling sorry for myself that I was too lazy ( maybe life just was tearing me down though through all the crap I dealt with in my previous marriage that I didn't have time to work on me ) in my earlier years to change it. I know that as I get older it does get much harder to get it off.......Do I REALLY want to be a size 18-20 the rest of my life in pants and a large in shirts? Come on think about it, DO YOU?

YOU JENNIFER ANN SHEELY IS THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN CHANGE YOUR THOUGHTS & BODY IMAGE!

YOU CAN'T FIND IT IN A BOOK,
CAN'T FIND IT IN PILLS,
CAN'T FIND IT IN FAD DIETS, 
CAN'T FIND IT IN BABY PLACENTA,
CAN'T FIND IT ONLINE,
CAN'T FIND IT AT THE GYM ( UNLESS YOU ACTUALLY GO )
CAN'T FIND IT IN YOUR COMPLAINTS ABOUT YOURSELF
CAN'T FIND IT IN SITTING AROUND WATCHING T.V.  OR FACEBOOK
CAN'T FIND IT IN ANYONE ELSE 

BUT

YOU CAN FIND IT IN YOURSELF, BECAUSE YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE THAT HAS THE POWER TO FIND IT!

YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN GIVE IT YOUR ALL, AND PUSH FORWARD

ONLY YOU!!!!!!   

ONLY YOU ARE THE ONE THAT CAN CHANGE YOU! 





 

He wants me to be Happy

“Anger doesn’t solve anything. It builds nothing, but it can destroy everything."

I hold onto anger....
I let it become me,
I wear it on my face, heart, mind & soul
I become emotionally detached when I'm angry

I am destroying everything I have, because of anger.

What am I so angry about?

Angry with the I have CHOSEN to live my life?
Angry with letting my children down when it comes to teaching the gospel?
Angry that I don't think my Husband hears me, or sees my point of view?
Angry that I have no real desire to change, no motivation?
Angry with the things I have endured in my life?
Angry that I don't have all the riches of the world?
Angry that I have let my testimony of the Church fade away?

SO MANY THINGS TO BE ANGRY AT......no wonder it destroys everything.....it's destroying me!

"If we desire to have the proper spirit with us at all times, we must CHOOSE to refrain from being angry!"

This morning I read a talk from President Monson on anger, he talked about how getting angry with someone because they don't act the way we want them to, or they don't things in the timely manner that we would.
Getting angry because of the way we might act out towards a situation, or the fact that anger is one of Satan's greatest tools in dissolving our families and relationships.

I know that I get angry way too quickly, too fast.....

I wonder how to change that at times. I just found this talk interesting enough that it pin points me to the wall. It talks about how a Father, Mother and their young child were in a car where the parents had an arguement, the Father threw a toy at the Mother but it missed and hit their son instead. The ultimate sadness is that this toy and brief anger cause brain damage and blindness to their young child. I couldn't even imagine what it would of been life to have to live with the knowledge that you are the person who is responsible for your OWN child not living a full life.
I know my children have not had the best of a Mother, the way a Mother should be and that is one of my biggest regrets in this life.

I can't go back, only forward.

Today I make a promise to myself to not be angry.

To find happiness in everything I do, from work to being home with my family.

It it a CHOICE to be HAPPY or ANGRY!!

I wonder why at times I have allowed my life to get so far out of control, where do I think I was going to go with the way I have acted, the way I have let things get over taken by the weeds that are choking my very breathe as well as sucking anything I have to offer out.

I wish I knew deep down inside, oh wait I do know deep down inside.....
Why won't I let that part out? Why am I keeping that part of WHAT I do know hidden?

I am a daughter of a Heavenly Father that loves me, that KNOWS me, that would do anything for me.....

BUT

I also have to come unto him, share myself with him, share my desires, my fears, my happiness, my everything with him for him to be able to reach me. I can't be selfish anymore and not give to my Heavenly Father.

"I need my Heavenly Father, to help me every day,
He wants me to be happy, and choose the righteous way.
He wants me to be happy, and choose the righteous way."

Oh how I love Primary songs, always so uplifting and comforting to me.

I do need my Heavenly Father, he does love me, he does want me to be happy!!!