Now & Later

Thursday, June 3, 2010
Now & Later
I read your post and don't worry I bombed out big time too!


Not so much eating things I shouldn't....more like just not eating, which is my biggest downfall...


I am one of the biggest procrastinators there ever is & I don't understand why it runs through my veins. I procrastinate having to get up in the morning if I don't have to be to work early ( kids get themselves off to school), I procrastinate going to the gym ( always say TOMORROW, we all know there is NO tomorrow), I procrastinate doing the laundry, cleaning ( I get tired of cleaning up after everyone....don't they have freaking arms too? ) I procrastinate feeling good about who I am.




I think this is going to be a slow process for me! I know people say take one day at a time, but I am not like that I want things NOW not Later ( haha just reminded me of Now & Laters candy) I am a person where I like things my way, now, but yet don't want to seem to do the hard work to get where I want.


Do any of you ever feel this way? I am or was doing Body For Life program and I did loose a few pounds, but ohhhhh no that's not good enough for me to stick with. Memorial Day came up which Sunday we had a nice huge bbq ( which was my free day) but after that I didn't go back. I did on Monday but Tuesday & Wednesday I just let it go. Not eating, drinking soda ( which I haven't had for 2 weeks), eating chips & donuts...and then taco bell for dinner. Oh me, oh my! What is wrong with me? Seriously I hate feeling fat and unhappy with myself, but then I have to ask myself this:


IS MY LIFE GOING TO CHANGE THAT MUCH BECAUSE I'M SKINNER?


AM I GOING TO HAVE NEW FAME & FRIENDS BECAUSE I'M THINNER?



IS MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY MATE GOING TO CHANGE BECAUSE I LOST A FEW LBS?



ARE MY CHILDREN GOING TO LOVE ME MORE BECAUSE I CAN FIT INTO THOSE JEANS I HOLD ONTO, PRAYING TO GET INTO THEM?



All these things are questions that I know might sound dumb, but seriously if you think about it, will your life or mine for that matter change that much because there is less than me? I don't think so, maybe just the feelings within myself....if I ever get to the point that i have gotten rid of the extra poundage I will let you know!
I will still be the person who wants her way, who wants things done the way she would do them, or things done NOW not Later, or tell people how I see things whether or not I am correct or wrong, I will still be the person that my husband loves unconditionally, I will still be the person who wants to just scream at the top of my lungs when I am stressed and overwhelmed ( break down time.) I will still be me even if I haven't lost the weight I WANT ..... I still will be the person I am if I DO loose the weight I WANT!


I am so angry with myself for not sticking with my plan, but good thing we are allowed to make mistakes and work through them.....and that is for everything in life! I know as I write this, I think to myself well I will re-start my program on Monday....haha see how demented my thinking is? I still have Friday & Saturday to start but I like things anew which seems to always start on Sunday/Monday! I will stick to the food portion of the program though......but the exercising of it will just have to wait for Monday.....TOTAL SLACKER I AM, I WANT THINGS NOW BUT NOT WILLING TO PUT THE WORK......so Now & Later....guess it will be later!