I just don't even know anymore....

I am struggling to figure things out.
The tears come so quickly now, that it's pointless to wipe them away.
I feel a deep sadness as I watch you suffer silently in pain.....


My sweet daughter tried to take her own life these past week. To my complete horror I found her sitting in her own vomit & urine having hallucinations from the drug overdose that she was hoping was going to claim her life.

As a Mother I had no idea that she would do this. I have heard her say to her friends that her life just sucks and she want's to die but I never thought she would take action. We had gotten her into therapy and on anti depressants for a few months when she felt that there was no way she could endure her life anymore and sought a way to end it.
I have never experienced such sadness in my life. Yes, I have had some serious trials myself but to watch my child suffer inside and all by herself made this almost unbearable for me as well. I know her and I have issues, issues that run deep but I also know the issues she is having in an unhealthy relationship has damaged her and complicated things more than I could imagine.


I don't even know where to begin my thoughts...


I don't know where to turn for comfort of my soul and the sadness that is running deep within.....
I feel like I don't know anything anymore as my life is now upside down.....
I feel angry at times then complete sadness at others.....


I sit and just cry, wondering how we are going to heal as a family ......
I know I have to do what I can so she can be healthy & happy once again.....
I feel utter despair when I should be happy knowing that SHE IS ALIVE & I still have her....

I just don't even know anymore.....